More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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