Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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