Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
