So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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