Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Well I just put wine in my tea
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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