Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
