Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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