i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
