Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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