I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
