i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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