two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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