If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
