And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
