Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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