i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
