my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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