shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
