Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
