Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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