I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I said "one day" and that day is not today
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
