hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
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