Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
