JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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