I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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