first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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