Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
