They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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