wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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