god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
