Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
