She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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