They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
