So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
