guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
