the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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