Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
