hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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