I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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