he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
