Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
