You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
