Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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