I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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