eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
