Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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