so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize