Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
