maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
you never un-have a 4some
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
