Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
