do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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