I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize