You made me cry and you don't even care
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
