Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
