just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
