yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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