If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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