Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
