hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
FUCK WHALES
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
