Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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