Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
