I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
you win again, gameday.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
