O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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