Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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