I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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