She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
