the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Randomize