She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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