I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
