she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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