I only kidnapped one of them. chill
and i looked up. we had an audience...
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
