FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Use "feeling words"
Yay
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
