What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize