she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize