Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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