How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
