My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
