3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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