I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
