:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
