I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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