Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
