hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
