I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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