Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
