i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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