Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
