Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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