Four minutes until I can fart!
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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