I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
