just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
