If i come over, it means nothing
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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