just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
