I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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